Disclaimer: I don't own either of the characters portrayed or mentioned in this sound-off. This is non-profit parody that I made for my own amusment.
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF DESTINY!
Commander Shepard (Mass Effect)
Darth Revan (Knights of the Old Republic)
Light Side Revan-
Long Ago in a Galaxy far away...
I forged a legacy that will live beyond my day...
I've saved my people three times over,
From Ancient Sith to a hopeless trooper,
Mandalore's crew all came to knew,
that their firepower was to me as water,
Bane adored me, the Jedi revered me,
Even Bastila gave in and pleased me...
If it weren't for my game, none would know Bioware,
I changed RPGs and put em into full gear,
I stomped Mandalore, Malak and the Sith Emperor,
Overwhelmed? Not surprised, go take your temperature.
I'm Commander Shepard and I approve this ass-whoopin,
This cocky jedi is just asking for a beatin.
I've faced forces you could never comprehend,
A race of destroyers who won't stop till we ascend.
They wiped out civilizations for billions of years,
Everything was bleak until I got here.
I'm a One-Man Army, a beacon of Hope,
I annoy the reapers and push em down the slope!
With every race behind me, my mantra is victory,
From Turian and Krogan to Quarian and Asari!
But I won't take all the credit, it all goes to my crew!
Garrus, Wrex, Tali, and Kaiden if you only you knew...
Victory? I thought it was misery?
Your Council's stupidity will live in infamy!
And for a leader, you have a habit for following,
How else could you stand Ashley's bitching?
And about your crew? I don't think you care...really...
They die and get blasted more often than Kenny!
Lets just ask Mordin, Thane, Miranda and Kirrahe!
Oh wait...they were friends and you let em die anyway!
And poor Legion...offered himself for the Geth,
Not knowing you'd condemn them all to death!
That includes Edi too...I don't think Joker likes you!
I didn't let anyone die under me, even through my toughest journey!
What about Trask Olgo? T3-M4? The Exile?
I believe they died despite your impressive profile.
You never faced anywhere near what I did,
The worst you've fought were jedi that you corrupted!
And speaking of your jedi...they remind me of the council!
Never getting their hands dirty till it's personal!
Jedi as Guardians of truth and justice? Please!
They turned their backs on a republic on it's knees,
What the hell kind of jedi are these?
Guess it explains a lot about the Prequel series!
Everything you do just ends in failure!
You really oughta call yourself Darth Error!
If you're so flawless, what happened on Virmire?
I'd never let my friends down with need so dire!
Funny...you were fast to leave Bastila with Malak,
But she was a bitch, guess you were sick of the havoc!
Bastila had her flaws, but at least she wasn't racist!
And then there's Morinth...isn't she a rapist?
Now that you mention it, isn't HK a serial murderer?
While bloodhound Canderous isn't much better!
Vega's really interesting or am I imagining,
That you have other crew members apart from T'soni?
Your friend Carth does love to whine,
But you never put your foot down and held the line!
Hold the Line? There's a difference between knowing and understanding,
Hammer Squad didn't understand because after five minutes, they weren't holding!
Not everyone can use their mind to fight a war,
They used what they had and still evened the score!
Even the score? You got punked by the Star Child!
Even your love scenes are a joke, watered down to mild!
You wanna talk about mild, your games were made for teens!
What happened with you and Bastila? We didn't even get any scenes!
Speaking of scenes, what was up with Kai Lang?
He kept smacking you around and leaving you to hang!
Don't get me started with how much you've been smacked!
You're a Flashpoint Pinata, waiting to get whacked!
Whacked? If anyone's a pinata that's gotta be you!
I'm certain Harbinger and the Collectors would agree with me too!
I stand on my feet for what I believe in!
You fail so much it's not worth countin!
My loved ones are alive and so's my civilization!
Red, Blue or Green? They all lead to devastation!
I've had enough of your snide insinuations!
Least I've never betrayed my organizations!
You? Bet you love getting tossed around the map!
You should have Ackbar around to yell, It's a trap!
Didn't Malak blast your ass when you weren't looking?
And if I recall, the Sith Emperor's still kicking!
Save the galaxy three times? The second was against yourself!
And I found your game, it's collecting dust on my shelf!
You had your time, but it's gone and past!
Hell! The Old Republic is never gonna last!
You talk too much Revan, just give it a rest!
Just accept that this is your final quest!
Dark Side Revan-
I am a Luminous Being unbound by crude matter!
I am the Heart of the Force! Before me you'll scatter!
Your mind is glass that I can break!
When I sneeze it creates a Force Quake!
The Lightning of a storm is mine to command!
I'll even block your mass effect with my bare hand!
I am a legend in the circles of gaming and fiction!
Everything you are is based on my foundation!
I've made mistakes and I paid the price,
So for you, I'll leave some helpful advice.
Don't change the core conflict, it won't get a salute,
Cause Artistic Integrity? That's easy to refute.